How to grow love and kindness for yourself and others . . .

You may face situations that are challenging

and perhaps even overwhelming each day.   You may be "tested" at the expense of your inner peace and personal resources.  Illness, the loss of loved ones and simple everyday experiences like bumper to bumper traffic can provoke feelings of pain, sadness, anxiety and anger.  Such experiences not only produce painful emotions, they are also very damaging to your body.  

While practicing different forms of relaxation, skills like progressive muscle relaxation, diaphragmatic breathing or receiving massage therapy are effective in helping you to reduce your stress; new research suggests that cultivating and practicing Loving Kindness Meditation (LKM) provides you distinct benefits that go beyond managing your stress.   

Researchers at Emory University have found that LKM may improve your physical and emotional responses to stress.  Consistently practicing LKM every day for as little as 10 minutes helps you to reduce feeling of stress and depression,  reduces physiological inflammation, illness, and chronic pain as well as enhances your empathy and feelings of social connection to others, self-acceptance, and physical resilience and well-being (i.e., increases the vagal tone and changes the neural circuitry of the insula and temporal parietal junction in the brain).^{1, 2,3,4}

Having a LKM practice is simple and easy.  To practice, visualize and generate positive,  loving feelings towards yourself and others by gently repeating the following phrases:  

• May I be filled with love and kindness.
• May be I safe and protected.
• May I love and be loved.
• May I be happy and contented.
• May I be healthy and strong.
• May my life unfold with ease.
• May I be a person of joy.

After visualizing and sending love and kindness to yourself,  follow by visualizing and then generating and sending these feelings to the following: 

1. someone who you love deeply (e.g., your husband, mother, son). 
2. a good friend.
3. someone who is "neutral"  who you have neither very positive or negative feelings towards (e.g., the cashier at your grocery store).
4. someone who you do not like who may have hurt you and provokes feelings of discomfort or pain (e.g.,  your boss).
5. all beings everywhere alive.

You may also listen to a free guided LKM practices offered by the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center.

To your health,

Dr. Sandoval

To learn more about how working with a psychologist and holistic health coach can help you to enhance your health and well-being, call or email Dr. Sandoval to schedule a free consultation.

1. Carson, JW, Keefe, FJ, Lynch, TR, Carson, KM, Goli, V, Fras, AM and et al. “Loving-Kindness Meditation for Chronic Low Back Pain: Results From a Pilot Trial” Journal Of Holistic Nursing. (2005). 23: 287-304. 
2. Fredrickson, BL, Cohn, MA., Coffey, KA, Pek, J, and Finkel, SM. “Open Hearts Build Lives: Positive Emotions, Induced Through Loving-Kindness Meditation, Build Consequential Personal Resources.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.  (2008). 95(5), 1045-1062. 
3. Hutcherson CA, Seppala EM, and Gross JJ. “Loving-kindness meditation increases social connectedness.” Emotion. (2008). 8(5):720-4. doi: 10.1037/a0013237. 
4. Lutz A, Brefczynski-Lewis J, Johnstone T, and Davidson RJ. “Regulation of the Neural Circuitry of Emotion by Compassion Meditation: Effects of Meditative Expertise.” PLoS ONE. (2008). 3(3), e1897. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0001897.

 

The information, published and/or made available through the www.fullofradiance.com website, is not intended to replace the services of a physician, nor does it constitute a physician-patient relationship. This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this post for diagnosing or treating a medical or health condition. You should consult a physician in all matters relating to your health, particularly in respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.  Any action on the reader’s part in response to the information provided in this blog is at the reader’s discretion.

How expanding your perspective helps you to deepen your self-compassion and experience more vitality . . .

If you’re like many people at this time of year, you probably dislike the end of "summer vacation," the fun and travel and the return to school, your job and your increased commute.  You may also have your share difficult or even painful experiences in the form of financial worries or feelings of guilt and shame because of your indulgences.   While all of these experiences are both very reasonable and frequently lead to short term gratification or pain, they will not help you to experience an unshakable and enduring appreciation for life or lead to the root of cause of happiness.  

As a reader of my blog, you’ve read about how research on self-compassion and mediation practices like Loving Kindness and R.A.I.N. can help you to effectively reduce your unpleasant or painful emotions and improve your well-being and health.  Nonetheless, you may still struggle with the idea of being kind with yourself or prioritizing these practices into your busy life schedule.   If this sounds like you, or you struggle with an addiction (i.e., smoking, binge eating and emotional eating, using the internet as a distraction) because you are unable to sit, and befriend your mind, expanding your perspective and seeing your mind as an infant
who is learning to walk and eventually run

will help to ease your pain.  Just as you would never shout at a baby for stumbling and falling, remembering to shift your perspective will help you to cultivate patience, trust and faith in letting go of your ineffective strategies to control and avoid the pain and discomfort that you may experience in your life.  Likewise, imagining that you are feeding an infant who does not sit still or is crying when you experience distress or are distracted will help you to shift your attitude and be patient, loving and even playful  your mind. 

If these gentle reminders do not seem to be enough to ease your pain, the traditional practice of giving and taking (i.e., Tonglen) as described by Pema Chödrön may offer you relief and help to open your heart to deepen your compassion in order to experience vitality and bliss.  While Tonglen meditation may appear to be overwhelming as you envision breathing in the pain and suffering of other people, the simplest form to practice Tonglen “on the spot” is simply to repeat “other people feel this too” each time you experience an unpleasant or painful emotion (e.g., the pain in your body because you fell and bruised your hand, financial worry as you realize that you spent too much on your summer vacation).  Similarly, each time you experience a pleasant feeling or have pleasure in your life, repeat “may other people experience and delight in this too.”   As you practice consistently, Tonglen will help open your heart to deepen your compassion and ease your suffering.  You will also experience peace and joy as you notice and become aware of your everyday simple pleasures in life (e.g., the sun’s warmth on your skin,  the delicious taste of your favorite meal, the post office worker’s smile and help).

To your health,

Dr. Sandoval

To learn more about how working with a psychologist and holistic health coach can help you to enhance your health and well-being, call or email Dr. Sandoval to schedule a free consultation.  

The information, published and/or made available through the www.fullofradiance.com website, is not intended to replace the services of a physician, nor does it constitute a physician-patient relationship. This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this post for diagnosing or treating a medical or health condition. You should consult a physician in all matters relating to your health, particularly in respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.  Any action on the reader’s part in response to the information provided in this blog is at the reader’s discretion.

 

How self-compassion can help to soothe and heal your mind and body.

If you have experienced trauma, neglect or

abuse of any type and struggle with feelings of anxiety, depression and you frequently worry or simply have pain and tension in your body, learning to be kind and gentle with yourself is essential to experiencing relief in your body and lasting peace in your life.  Learning to have self-compassion and loving yourself when you have had such experiences may be very challenging to you; however, it is a key to unlock your potential for healing and growth.  

  

Lovingkindness meditation and learning to adapt an attitude of curiosity and hold all of your private experiences (e.g., your emotions, thoughts, memories) gently takes consistent practice and will help you to be less reactive and judgmental so that you simply notice what it is that you need in the moment that may be life affirming (e.g. reaching out to connect with people who you love, spending time outdoors to experience tranquility with nature, receiving a massage because you are aware of physical pain in your body) and may experience more vitality in your life. 

 

Learning to self soothe and self-massage is also very helpful in cultivating a loving relationship with yourself and helping you to heal from trauma.  While asking your partner or receiving a massage from a massage therapist is a wonderful and very loving experience, you can use simple skills to apply touch and heal such as using acupressure exercises to gently massage key areas in your body.  The Shen Men point in your ear is a powerful meridian that can help to ease any acute distress you may be experiencing.  You can also use the traditional Japanese healing art of Jin Shin Jyutsu to experience more emotional balance and vitality.

To your health,

Dr. Sandoval

 

To learn more about how working with a psychologist and holistic health coach can help you to enhance your health and well being, call or email Dr. Sandoval to schedule a free consultation.

The information, published and/or made available through the www.fullofradiance.com website, is not intended to replace the services of a physician, nor does it constitute a physician-patient relationship. This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this post for diagnosing or treating a medical or health condition. You should consult a physician in all matters relating to your health, particularly in respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.  Any action on the reader’s part in response to the information provided in this blog is at the reader’s discretion.

 

How to tend to your mind's unsightly weeds . . .

If you experience painful and unpleasant emotions or thoughts like anxiety, depression, guilt or shame, there is a strong likelihood that you also engage in many unworkable behavior patterns like substance abuse, compulsive shopping, or binge eating.  You probably also are overwhelmed by your mind’s unending barrage of critical and punitive thoughts that you are “not good enough,” “inadequate” and “unlovable” as you are right now.  Like unsightly weeds that grow in your garden, you may want to eliminate these painful experiences.  

The reality, however;  is that more you engage in a battle with your mind’s nasty thoughts and struggle to undo your painful emotions, the more your life narrows and constricts as you focus on what is wrong with you instead of acting and doing what truly matters to you in life.  Research has demonstrated that experiential avoidance (i.e., engaging in any behavior designed to alter the form, frequency or duration of an unpleasant experience) frequently is at the root of most mental health disorders.¹  

Rather than “pulling out” your mind’s weeds, you’ll free yourself from your mind’s “tight grip” that leads to your suffering by learning to love and radically accept all of who you are in this moment (e.g., your fear, sadness, shame, frustration).  When you experience emotions like fear, worry, sadness or guilt, be gentle and forgive yourself.   

Having self-compassion will ease your pain, allow you to notice the many opportunities around you to “wake up” and get “out of your mind” and allow you to experience pleasant states like contentment, mirth, achievement, connection, and gratitude.  Learning and practicing Loving Kindness Meditation (LKM) everyday is an effective tool to aid you experience this state of inner harmony.  

As you pay attention and connect with your surroundings and the people in your life, simply notice and be willing to experience your discomfort.  If your sole focus is on the “holes in your socks,” you’ll get “stuck” in wiggling your toes and adjusting your shoes all day instead of creating a life that is rich and meaningful to you by aligning what you can control (i.e., the actions of your hands and feet) with your life values.   

To your health,

Dr. Sandoval

To learn more about how working with a psychologist and holistic health coach can help you to enhance your health and well-being, call or email Dr. Sandoval to schedule a free consultation.

1. Hayes, S.C., Wilson, K.G., Gifford, E.V., Follette, V., & Strosahl, K. (1996). Experiential avoidance and behavioral disorders: A functional dimensional approach to diagnosis and treatment. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64(6): 1152-1168.