How to nourish and cherish the love in your life . . .

With Valentine’s day around the corner, you may

With today being  Valentine’s day you may have big plans with your partner (e.g., boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, etc.) to celebrate the love that you both share.  If you are single, you may experience the anticipation, excitement or nervousness of your first “big date” with someone you recently met or you may dread the occasion as a “Hallmark” holiday that affirms that you are unlovable because you have no special date.  Whether you already have special plans, look forward with optimism or would simply prefer that Valentine’s day did not exist, there are several important qualities that you can develop to love your partner, remember your “first date” or affirm and love yourself. 

Learning to communicate openly and directly is both effective and demonstrates your vulnerability to your partner, allows you to be authentic, “voice” your emotions and is affirming to your partner.  Many “mishaps,” misunderstandings and resentments are avoidable by simply learning to speak clearly.  If you’re single and alone, introspection and honestly “asking” yourself what nourishes you and helps you to experience your life as “sweet” requires both self-compassion and “facing your demons.” 

Do you experience shame and feel “unworthy” because you believe that no one could ever love you if they knew the “real” you?  Instead of acting and behaving as your mind tells you you “should,” being kind and gentle with yourself allows others to connect with you.  Being authentic with yourself and acknowledging your needs is important in recognizing your own “humaneness.”  By learning to be authentic and vulnerable, you cultivate a sense of belonging, acceptance and connection with your partner, other people and yourself.  

In order to sustain and cherish the love in your life, it is important to also learn to notice, pay attention and forgive. We all commit errors, make mistakes and act in ways that only with the perspective of maturity and growth we later regret or feel contrite about in life.  As the English poet Alexandar Pope has eloquently stated “to err is human; to forgive, divine.”  

You cannot avoid the pain that invariable comes from acting in a manner that you now would act in differently.  In seeking to minimize or avoid your pain, you also cut yourself off from experiencing human virtues like joy, love, appreciation and gratitude.  So in order to cultivate and nourish these “feel good” emotions, you must be willing to make room for the pain in your life.  So whether you are celebrating Valentine’s with the love of your life or are alone, learn to notice how you feel, allow and make room for all emotions and authentically “voice” your experiences in order to make this year and the rest of your life special.

To your health,

Dr. Sandoval

To learn more about how working with a psychologist and holistic health coach can help you to enhance your health and well-being, call or email Dr. Sandoval to schedule a free consultation.  

 
The information, published and/or made available through the www.fullofradiance.com website, is not intended to replace the services of a physician, nor does it constitute a physician-patient relationship. This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this post for diagnosing or treating a medical or health condition. You should consult a physician in all matters relating to your health, particularly in respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.  Any action on the reader’s part in response to the information provided in this blog is at the reader’s discretion.

How expanding your perspective helps you to deepen your self-compassion and experience more vitality . . .

If you’re like many people at this time of year, you probably dislike the end of "summer vacation," the fun and travel and the return to school, your job and your increased commute.  You may also have your share difficult or even painful experiences in the form of financial worries or feelings of guilt and shame because of your indulgences.   While all of these experiences are both very reasonable and frequently lead to short term gratification or pain, they will not help you to experience an unshakable and enduring appreciation for life or lead to the root of cause of happiness.  

As a reader of my blog, you’ve read about how research on self-compassion and mediation practices like Loving Kindness and R.A.I.N. can help you to effectively reduce your unpleasant or painful emotions and improve your well-being and health.  Nonetheless, you may still struggle with the idea of being kind with yourself or prioritizing these practices into your busy life schedule.   If this sounds like you, or you struggle with an addiction (i.e., smoking, binge eating and emotional eating, using the internet as a distraction) because you are unable to sit, and befriend your mind, expanding your perspective and seeing your mind as an infant
who is learning to walk and eventually run

will help to ease your pain.  Just as you would never shout at a baby for stumbling and falling, remembering to shift your perspective will help you to cultivate patience, trust and faith in letting go of your ineffective strategies to control and avoid the pain and discomfort that you may experience in your life.  Likewise, imagining that you are feeding an infant who does not sit still or is crying when you experience distress or are distracted will help you to shift your attitude and be patient, loving and even playful  your mind. 

If these gentle reminders do not seem to be enough to ease your pain, the traditional practice of giving and taking (i.e., Tonglen) as described by Pema Chödrön may offer you relief and help to open your heart to deepen your compassion in order to experience vitality and bliss.  While Tonglen meditation may appear to be overwhelming as you envision breathing in the pain and suffering of other people, the simplest form to practice Tonglen “on the spot” is simply to repeat “other people feel this too” each time you experience an unpleasant or painful emotion (e.g., the pain in your body because you fell and bruised your hand, financial worry as you realize that you spent too much on your summer vacation).  Similarly, each time you experience a pleasant feeling or have pleasure in your life, repeat “may other people experience and delight in this too.”   As you practice consistently, Tonglen will help open your heart to deepen your compassion and ease your suffering.  You will also experience peace and joy as you notice and become aware of your everyday simple pleasures in life (e.g., the sun’s warmth on your skin,  the delicious taste of your favorite meal, the post office worker’s smile and help).

To your health,

Dr. Sandoval

To learn more about how working with a psychologist and holistic health coach can help you to enhance your health and well-being, call or email Dr. Sandoval to schedule a free consultation.  

The information, published and/or made available through the www.fullofradiance.com website, is not intended to replace the services of a physician, nor does it constitute a physician-patient relationship. This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this post for diagnosing or treating a medical or health condition. You should consult a physician in all matters relating to your health, particularly in respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.  Any action on the reader’s part in response to the information provided in this blog is at the reader’s discretion.

 

How self-compassion can help to soothe and heal your mind and body.

If you have experienced trauma, neglect or

abuse of any type and struggle with feelings of anxiety, depression and you frequently worry or simply have pain and tension in your body, learning to be kind and gentle with yourself is essential to experiencing relief in your body and lasting peace in your life.  Learning to have self-compassion and loving yourself when you have had such experiences may be very challenging to you; however, it is a key to unlock your potential for healing and growth.  

  

Lovingkindness meditation and learning to adapt an attitude of curiosity and hold all of your private experiences (e.g., your emotions, thoughts, memories) gently takes consistent practice and will help you to be less reactive and judgmental so that you simply notice what it is that you need in the moment that may be life affirming (e.g. reaching out to connect with people who you love, spending time outdoors to experience tranquility with nature, receiving a massage because you are aware of physical pain in your body) and may experience more vitality in your life. 

 

Learning to self soothe and self-massage is also very helpful in cultivating a loving relationship with yourself and helping you to heal from trauma.  While asking your partner or receiving a massage from a massage therapist is a wonderful and very loving experience, you can use simple skills to apply touch and heal such as using acupressure exercises to gently massage key areas in your body.  The Shen Men point in your ear is a powerful meridian that can help to ease any acute distress you may be experiencing.  You can also use the traditional Japanese healing art of Jin Shin Jyutsu to experience more emotional balance and vitality.

To your health,

Dr. Sandoval

 

To learn more about how working with a psychologist and holistic health coach can help you to enhance your health and well being, call or email Dr. Sandoval to schedule a free consultation.

The information, published and/or made available through the www.fullofradiance.com website, is not intended to replace the services of a physician, nor does it constitute a physician-patient relationship. This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this post for diagnosing or treating a medical or health condition. You should consult a physician in all matters relating to your health, particularly in respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.  Any action on the reader’s part in response to the information provided in this blog is at the reader’s discretion.

 

How to nourish and cherish the love in your life . . .

With Valentine’s day around the corner, you may have big plans with your partner (e.g., boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, etc.) to celebrate the love that you both share.  If you are single, you may experience the anticipation, excitement or nervousness of your first “big date” with someone you recently met or you may dread the occasion as a “Hallmark” holiday that affirms that you are unlovable because you have no special date.  Whether you already have special plans, look forward with optimism or would simply prefer that Valentine’s day did not exist, there are several important qualities that you can develop to love your partner, remember your “first date” or affirm and love yourself.  

Learning to communicate openly and directly is both effective and demonstrates your vulnerability to your partner, allows you to be authentic, “voice” your emotions and is affirming to your partner.  Many “mishaps,” misunderstandings and resentments are avoidable by simply learning to speak clearly.  If you’re single and alone, introspection and honestly “asking” yourself what nourishes you and helps you to experience your life as “special” requires both self-compassion and “facing your demons.” 

Do you experience shame and feel “unworthy” because you believe that no one could ever love you if they knew the “real” you?  Instead of acting and behaving as your mind tells you you “should,” being kind and gentle with yourself allows others to connect with you.  Being authentic with yourself and acknowledging your needs is important in recognizing your own “humaneness.”  By learning to be authentic and vulnerable, you cultivate a sense of belonging, acceptance and connection with your partner, other people and yourself.  

In order to sustain and cherish the love in your life, it is important to also learn to notice, pay attention and forgive. We all commit errors, make mistakes and act in ways that only with the perspective of maturity and growth we later regret or feel contrite about in life.  As the English poet Alexandar Pope has eloquently stated “to err is human; to forgive, divine.”  

You cannot avoid the pain that invariable comes from acting in a manner that you now would act in differently.  In seeking to minimize or avoid your pain, you also cut yourself off from experiencing human virtues like joy, love, appreciation and gratitude.  So in order to cultivate and nourish these “feel good” emotions, you must be willing to make room for the pain in your life.  So whether you are celebrating Valentine’s with the love of your life or are alone, learn to notice how you feel, allow and make room for all emotions and authentically “voice” your experiences in order to make this year and the rest of your life special.

To your health,

Dr. Sandoval

To learn more about how working with a psychologist and holistic health coach can help you to enhance your health and well-being, call or email Dr. Sandoval to schedule a free consultation.  

 
The information, published and/or made available through the www.fullofradiance.com website, is not intended to replace the services of a physician, nor does it constitute a physician-patient relationship. This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this post for diagnosing or treating a medical or health condition. You should consult a physician in all matters relating to your health, particularly in respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.  Any action on the reader’s part in response to the information provided in this blog is at the reader’s discretion.