If you
experience painful and unpleasant emotions or thoughts like anxiety,
depression, guilt or shame, there is a strong likelihood that you also engage
in many unworkable behavior patterns like substance abuse, compulsive shopping,
or binge eating. You probably also are
overwhelmed by your mind’s unending barrage of critical and punitive thoughts
that you are “not good enough,” “inadequate” and “unlovable” as you are
right now. Like unsightly weeds that grow in your
garden, you may want to eliminate these painful experiences.
The reality,
however; is that more you engage in a
battle with your mind’s nasty thoughts and struggle to undo your painful
emotions, the more your life narrows and constricts as you focus on what is
wrong with you instead of acting and doing what truly matters to you in
life. Research has demonstrated that
experiential avoidance (i.e., engaging in any behavior designed to alter the
form, frequency or duration of an unpleasant experience) frequently is at the
root of most mental health disorders.1
Rather than “pulling
out” your mind’s weeds, you’ll free yourself from your mind’s “tight grip” that
leads to your suffering by learning to love and radically accept all of who you
are in this moment (e.g., your fear, sadness, shame, frustration). When you experience emotions like fear,
worry, sadness or guilt, be gentle and forgive yourself.
Having
self-compassion will ease your pain, allow you to notice the many opportunities
around you to “wake up” and get “out of your mind” and allow you to experience pleasant states like contentment, mirth, achievement, connection, and gratitude. Learning and practicing Loving Kindness Meditation (LKM) everyday is an effective tool to aid you experience
this state of inner harmony.
As you pay
attention and connect with your surroundings and the people in your life, simply
notice and be willing to experience your discomfort. If your sole focus is on the “holes in your
socks,” you’ll get “stuck” in wiggling your toes and adjusting your shoes all
day instead of creating a life that is rich and meaningful to you by aligning what you can control (i.e., the actions of your hands and feet) with your life values.
To your
health,
Dr. Sandoval
To learn more about how working with a psychologist and holistic health coach can help you to enhance your health and well-being, call or email Dr. Sandoval to schedule a free consultation.
- Hayes, S.C., Wilson, K.G., Gifford, E.V., Follette, V., & Strosahl, K. (1996). Experiential avoidance and behavioral disorders: A functional dimensional approach to diagnosis and treatment. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64(6): 1152-1168.
When we make the choice to be kind to our body, we will naturally not want to just soothe the emotions with a temporary fix. When we choose to be kind to our body, we will then be willing to search for the underlying cause of our upset emotions and seek a more healthy and long lasting solution, such as counseling and body therapy.
ReplyDeleteWarmly,
Dr. Erica
I agree and see many clients who do the opposite seeking short term relief. Many clients have no emotional intelligence and cannot identify what they are experiencing in the moment.
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